I've been feeling frustrated, irritated at the thought of living under the same roof as my step mum.It's getting on my nerves and i can't tolerate it any longer. Thoughts of moving out seems to be calling to me.But yet, my financial status doesn't allow me to at the moment.

It hasn't been easy.going to a place called church isn't helping either. Christians,are supposed to be Christ Like.But all i see when i go to church,are pple putting on a mask, pple staying within their comfort zone(just happy to be talking to their cliques), diplomatic pple who tries to do things right so as to avoid quarrels,arguments and whatever causes unhappiness. JUDGEMENTAL pple.

It saddens me to be in a place where I'm expected to edify,encourage and love pple like Jesus.Where is tt kinda true love? it seems, i can't seem to click with many pple in church nowadays. Whatever happen to those days when everyone will just ask everyone out? Whatever happened to the days when we do not consider ourselves 'cooler, more fun,popular' den others? Whatever happens to the "join us?sure! anyone's welcome!" attitude?

Gone are the good old days. And i no longer see myself trying to be nice to everyone,i no longer do things just to get to know someone better. What's the point? I end up being the lonely, suffering one. PPle look at one another with another eye, and i've been rather sensitive on the issue of one graduating with a degree.

It gets on my nerves, and i get rather upset when pple talk bout Uni. Like wat the...., how bout me starting a conversation on work,work ethics and stuff tt u've not been thru?it just makes one feel stupid, makes one feel so out of place and it's as if pple are talking bout it on purpose. Yes!it is getting to me. I feel so dumb, i feel so outcast..in a place where i used to be able to call it home.

Thoughts of changing church has occurred to me. But i know my work in this church is not over. When Lord? I dunno...but when the opportunity comes, will I hesitate to go? sigh..

It sure is a love-hate relationship. I still have really good frens who gave me a 2nd chance..but yet...

I'm praying tt i won't let my emotions get the worst out of me.
I miss my mum.i do.what would my life be like if she's still ard?
WHy did God take her away?I'm still looking for tt answer..
xoxo, on